I’m having trouble today.
I have bipolar disorder. Type Two. I’m reluctant to type this out, to share it with the world, because I don’t want it to define me. But today it most certainly is.
What exactly is Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that causes changes in a person’s mood, energy, and ability to function. People with bipolar disorder experience intense emotional states that typically occur during distinct periods of days to weeks, called mood episodes. 1
And what is Type Two?
Defined by a pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but not the full-blown manic episodes that are typical of Bipolar I Disorder. 2
Mine isn’t a bright and shiny Hollywood-ready example of what the disease is. It’s quiet and insidious right now. I have a lot of projects in the works at the moment. I’m supposed to be working on my second book for Penguin Random House. I need to create content for social media and increase my engagement. I have personal and family responsibilities that require and rightly deserve my attention and energy. But what am I doing instead? Struggling to accomplish anything at all and getting mad at myself for my lack of productivity and drive. I had to take two naps today before 12:15pm. That fact makes me feel like a failure. Like I’m lazy, like I’m not trying hard enough. Logically, I know those things aren’t true – thanks to a lot of work with my therapist. But…
… to continue reading, head over to my post on Substack.